Processing

This weekend was completely exhausting. It started on Thursday when we lost my mom's fiance, Ron, to cancer. He had been battling cancer for upwards of 8 years and just this past April he went in to have surgery on his kidneys and at that point the doctors said he had 3-6 months to live. What a crime to put an expiration date on someone's life. And yet they were right.

He was such a loud and boisterous man...in a great way. Always ready with a joke and hug that left me smelling like his cologne for the rest of the day. He was a Nazi in the kitchen, needed everything his way and nobody got IN the way...even in MY kitchen :) He was a lover of poker, fishing, boating, vacationing, joking, margaritas, suspenders, cigars, Wegmans, Dean Martin, golfing, hunting, cologne, and my mom. I hated watching him become skinny and quiet, it was like I didn't know what to do with him or how to talk to him because it just wasn't the guy I was used to. So I was happy that he didn't have to suffer any more but sad for the loss of a man that I really adored and especially sad that my mother lost her life partner.

His funeral was held on Saturday morning with a reception afterward and it seemed like a little bit of a whirlwind. I know that everyone grieves in their own way but I hate when people don't talk about those they've lost. Luckily, Ron doesn't have that kind of family. I think they'll do a great job of keeping Ron alive through stories and laughs and drinks that he loved. It's so healthy to talk about the losses in our lives and to free ourselves to feel whatever it is we feel when we do that. So today I feel a little sad for maybe the first time since he passed....forgive me, I'm a slow processor. But I'm going to be grateful that he was so good to my mom, and a father-figure to my brother, and friend to my sister and I.

So I'll dedicate a few of my blessings today to him:

1) the loud, cackling laugh that was so infectious

2) the human ability to fight for what we think is worth it

3) living in a country with amazing medical care available

4) food, and the joy it brings :)

5) breathing in second hand smoke from a cigar...one of my favorite smells