Queen Latifah knows everything

Yesterday may have been the longest day of my life. I was a bundle of nervous energy knowing that our social worker was coming for a home visit last night, I was a cleaning maniac all day, Ella flung a poop patty across the living room (that's a story for another time), neither of the twins took good naps, then I stayed up past midnight which hasn't happened in eons and then miss Ella was awake and crying from 1am until 4 am, which has happened since she was 8 weeks old. What the heck! Now I'm sitting with a large cup of coffee as a band aid to my sleepless night.

I think the home visit went well. Our social worker is great, we just love her. It really wasn't as big of a deal as a lot of people make it out to be though. We just gave her a tour of our house, filled out our last bit of paper work, wrote her a mondo check, and that's it! It has yet to be in writing but we got a verbal approval from her so hopefully sometime in the next year Joe and I will be proud adoptive parents!!

Yikes! It's a little scary to think about adding baby #3 to our clan...I know it'll be quite chaotic at times but I've always wanted our kids to be close together and the adoptive road comes void of assurances and dates. It's a bit like being pregnant with absolutely NO due date. Could be a month, could be a year, maybe more. That's it. But that's what we're signing up for and I wouldn't have it any other way. We've got a baby on the way and it's possible that it's in someone else's belly right now or more likely, not even conceived yet! So I don't get to plan exactly how close or far apart in age my children will be but I guess we've already been prepared for that...I never expected my first two would be two MINUTES apart. I'm always up for a good surprise, so bring it on :)

So far, most times that we've told people we're adopting, they assume it's because we had difficulty with our first few pregnancies or because I'm afraid of having twins again. And the truth is we would love to have more biological children, but God has been showing us for a while now that adoption is such a beautiful way to grow a family and He's laid it heavy on our hearts that He wants us to be one of those families. There was a lot of fear at first and a little bit of grieving on my part, thinking of possibly never being pregnant again, but "the one who called you is completely dependable. If he said it, he'll do it!" (1 Thess. 5:24, MSG). I know God's calling us into this, so He'll make a way, and already He's taught me to love this avenue of expanding our family. So yes, it's just a choice. We are adopting because we WANT to, not because we have to or because we're afraid of anything.

I don't talk to my dad. He lives within a few miles of me but we don't see each other or communicate. That is also a story for another time....or actually maybe a story for never, not on a public site anyway. I feel very fatherless all of the time. If you want to know, buy me a coffee sometime. Anway, it really sucks. I cling to the promise that God has "adopted us as sons [and daughters] through Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will" (Eph. 1:5). That means that the God of the universe invited me into his family so that he can love and care for me just because he WANTS to. That is sometimes unfathomable to me. And if he did that for me because he enjoys me (even me!) then I am more than blessed to have the privilege to do the same thing here on earth. God gives us a beautiful picture of what a family can look like and how clean and rich and pure our heritage can be if we let it come from him.

We are in the program to receive a domestic, healthy, minority infant. Let me give some stats here: For every healthy Caucasian child born into adoption (in America), there are 64 families waiting to adopt that baby. For every biracial child, there are 3 families waiting. And for every fully African American child, there is less than one family waiting to adopt it. Joe and I are very blessed to know that we CAN have biological children if we want to (for free!), and we are not going to stand in line to wait for a baby that could possibly go to a couple who's only avenue to having children is to adopt. I completely understand that most people want to adopt children who look like them. There are so many reasons that it makes sense, I can't even start a list. But we just don't have that particular desire. We are not "color blind". We see color, we acknowledge it, and we believe it is beautiful.

The movie Hairspray was recently redone (definitely one of my fave musicals) and Queen Latifah is in it (definitely one of my fave celebs). I whole heartedly believe that woman knows everything. She is brilliant. Ok, I don't actually know if that's true but I kinda want to be her nonetheless. Anyway, in the movie, she's talking to her son (who is African American) and his new white girlfriend and she looks at them and says (in all her glory and brilliance...) "Ya'll better get ready for a whole lotta ugly comin at you from a never endin parade a stupid." And that's where I feel like we're at. I know not everybody agrees with the idea of a mixed race family and there are a lot of reasons for it, and some of them are even good reasons. But we know that love isn't always enough. We'll have a lot of obstacles that most families don't have to go through. But to us, it's worth the fight and the extra work and active choice to not be ignorant. More on that later on, I'm sure...

There's just never a dull moment on the ride the Lord is taking us on and I wouldn't trade it for the world. If you're up for it, please pray for us during this next phase of waiting. I do very well when I have busy work to make me feel like I am working toward a goal, and that's what the last 3 months has been for me. The hard part comes now. There's nothing left to do except to continue going about our lives and wait all at the same time.

"A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families..." (Psalm 68:5-6)