The Problem We All Live With

Painting, "The Problem We All Live With" By Norman Rockwell

"Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive selfishness." -Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

This is going to sound trite and possibly cheesy, but hear me: my heart breaks for the journey of African Americans in this nation. It truly does. The fight for civil rights over the past 60 years in our country and the deep, sick injustices that have happened here are enough to stop me in my tracks when I think about it. Robert Pierce, the founder of World Vision and Samaritan's Purse said, "Let my heart be broken for the things that break the heart of God." I know that God purposely created humans across the pigment spectrum and I LOVE that about Him. I love His creativity with His people. But I believe that God created ONE race, the human race, and that humans created racism. And THAT breaks His heart. It breaks mine too...I am NOT a crier, and I cry almost every time I think about actual incidents (like riots, and Little Rock, and lynching) let alone have to see them in pictures or videos.

I spent a lot of time yesterday reflecting on MLK and the places that we've been as a country. I see pictures of civil rights walks and sit-down strikes and it makes me sick to my stomach that actual human beings had to fight so hard just to gain the equality that was supposedly a very "self-evident truth" hundreds of years prior. Then I see the white people who stood with them and I hope with everything in me that if I were a grown citizen during that time that I would have been one of those people standing up for what's right no matter what my personal cost was.

Maybe it's hitting home a lot more with me this year because we're waiting to bring home our third child, who will most likely be African American. I have zero intention of making any statement of social justice through our adoption. We're doing this simply because we believe whole-heartedly that it's the Lord's will for our family and we are privileged to be in His will. But I do believe that it's POSSIBLE for us to do this because we're standing on the shoulders of those who fought so hard to abolish ignorance. I could not have more respect for those people, whose names I don't know but whose actions changed the course of a society and of history.

Do you wonder what the greatest injustice of our time is? A while back our book club read the book, Night by Elie Wiesel, which is his memoir as a Holocaust survivor. It was terrifying to me to think that this absolutely huge and disgusting movement could be possible in modern society. What is WRONG with us as humans?? It's unfathomable to think that some people consider themselves so superior to others that they have the right to enslave them, traffic them, tell them where they can or cannot live or go to school, or even to kill them. I think some of the things that future generations will look back on and say were our greatest injustices are child trafficking, abortion, and the lack of legal gay marriage (a VERY touchy subject as a Christian, I know, but I think it's true...call me if you want to get into that one).

I am genuinely afraid to be raising my children in today's society. I think so many things are coming to light and we have come so far in our understanding of the things we're afraid of. But there will always be new dangers and things that arise and new evils that nobody ever knew humans were capable of. I know that as Christians we are to uphold the truth of the gospel but I also know that if we have to err on the side of intolerance or on the side of love...I serve a God who chooses Love. I will teach my children to choose love. Can that be the legacy of our generation? I'd say it's worth dying to try.

"The time is always right, to do what is right." -Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Ps...if you have kids, buy and read them this book.

My To-Live List

I've been thinking so much lately about what I want to do with my life. Like, what I REALLY want to DO with it, what kind of legacy I want to leave, what I want to be able to say at the end of my road that I did with all my time. I think this has come about from a culmination of a few different influences all within the last month. Some are pretty valid and some are embarrassingly simple, but all significant in the complicated inner workings that are my brain. I shall list them for you (in no particular order):

-The new year.

I don't always get reflective and nostalgic and sappy around New Years time but this year I did. I've know too many people fighting for their lives and I have enough poor relationships with family members that I just wanted to reflect on all the important relationships in my life and to realize why they are important to me and how I treat those people.

-Having a new baby on the way.

I constantly think about what my children will say about me when they're explaining their baggage as adults. Like which of their faults will they (rightfully) blame on me or the way that I raised them or the things I failed to teach them? Is it crazy to hope that my kids will never have anything but good things to say about me? The answer...yes, that's crazy Sam. I know. But a girl can hope. So I'm reflecting on how I treat my kids and hoping so much to become a parent that strives for godly excellence...not just a parent that strives to do a little better than my parents did. I think that goal is lofty but worth every ounce of effort.

-Taylor Swift's new album.

Ok, go ahead and laugh at me. She's like 20 but she's wise beyond her years and I don't care what anybody says, I think she's quite a brilliant lyricist (and the songs are so catchy!...I mean, even Joe likes them). Her album is called "Speak Now", which comes from the line they say (or at least used to say) at weddings, "speak now or forever hold your peace". And every song on this CD is like a letter that she's written to someone to say the things she wished she had said in the moment. I feel like this is my life. I NEVER speak in the moment. I'm always afraid to say the wrong thing, afraid of rejection, afraid to apologize, afraid of confrontation. I live WAY too much of my life in fear. That's a fact and a sin. I'm always having conversations in my head with people to whom I wish I'd said a million things but the time has passed. My chance has passed. I didn't "speak now". There's a person in my life that meant a lot to me and I was too confused to treat them with respect, and I'll always regret that. There's a person in my life that I was a terrible friend to and I'm so sorry for that. There's a person in my life who saved me from making a terrible and life-changing mistake and I'm grateful for that. There's a person in my life who helped to save me from myself...well, I actually married that one, so I'm good there :) But I'd like to do more speaking and less regretting with the time I have left on this planet.

-Our latest book club book

Shout out to Dayla Terp for a great choice this month. The book is called "Year of Wonders" by Geraldine Brooks and it's about the plague that struck England in the 1600's. I found it fascinating. Anyway there's a scene in the book (before everyone starts dying crazy and gruesome deaths) where this woman and her children are peacefully playing and all is right in her world and she stops and realizes and says "This, this moment is my miracle." Except it wasn't really anything but a normal day, but she understands that moments of pure happiness, even in the mundane of life can really be a miracle if you let them. I know that sounds like a cheesy Christmas song or something but its true. I live a pretty mundane life. I love it madly but it can get redundant. I want to make it a goal to notice my miracle moments and store them up so that in those times when things get darker or more frustrating or sad or unknown, I'll have those moments and memories to fuel me. I'd also like to give a shout out to the joy of the Lord for fueling me.

-Too many episodes of The Buried Life

"Get busy living, or get busy dying" Duncan always says. Ok, I have no desire to spend every day of my life trying to skirt the law or to hide in a giant cake for 11 hours in order to sneak into the Playboy mansion, but I DO have a desire to get busy living. I think I'd like to do something more important than streaking at a major league baseball game, but I love the idea of having the DRIVE to wake up with the intention of doing something big. Even if that big thing is loving. Like this amazing girl, Katie who lives in Uganda and simply LOVES on everyone the Lord places in her path. That is waking up with a purpose. Loving is a big deal. I mean, so is streaking...but one is just up my alley and the other isn't.

-Reading "A Summer Day" by Mary Oliver

It's like she's just dissecting the things that happen in any normal day. I love it. And the last line of the poem is my favorite and really gets me. It says, "Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?". I think most of us have a hard time believing that our lives are either wild or precious, let alone both. I'm starting to think that mine is capable of being both and it's a good feeling.

I'm no slave to lists, but when I get overwhelmed (which happens VERY easily), I depend on lists to get me through my tasks. I think my idea for this year is to begin a "To-Live" list, instead of just always a "to-do" list. I would like to really focus on the way I want to live and the sort of mark I'd like to leave and the things I can do to bring God glory. Lofty indeed, but what else is really worth living for??